Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Old boyfriends are a new breed of friends?
Do I enjoy being able to converse with him sans bitterness and underlying resentment? Absolutely. Do I still find some of the things he says odd? Yeah, because I tend to read into them more than I should almost out of habit from the days before the bitterness went away.
It's an interesting relationship now...one that is comforting because of the familiarity, but at the same time uncertain because of the history that will always exist between us. And at what point does the relationship we now function under become one of pure friendship, without that fear of "what if he wants to try again?" Does it EVER really become "pure friendship?" Can it?
Even as I ask all of these questions of myself (and the undefined air around me, and you I suppose, since you're reading this), I realize that they don't matter all that much. In the end, I enjoy this new level of acquaintance with him. So different, and yet not as different as I think. Talking to him is like wrapping myself up in a favorite blanket and reading an old book that I've read many times over...both evoke the same feeling of familiarity and security. Nothing overly scary. I don't have to be on my toes and ready for something unexpected. (I know that almost seems to contradict what I've said earlier in this post...it makes sense in my head...)
I guess this isn't so much a question of "what you do with old boyfriends" as it is an observation about a completely separate classification of social interaction...interactions that are nothing like any other type of interaction with any other group of people. It's an interesting relationship...friendship based on lessening the intensity of interaction rather than increasing the intensity.
**Note: I purposely do not use the term "ex" in this post...it has such negative connotations. While I did once consider him as such, he's no longer attached to the negative stigma that comes with that term. So, when typing this, I DO make the distinction between the two. I don't believe that this sort of relationship classification is possible with an "ex."
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Rain...do you sing in it or chant at it to go away?
Monday, August 29, 2005
Old Blue Eyes
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Old Friends...and new friends
When I was young, I used to think that more friends equaled a higher status (didn't we all?), and though I had a small inner circle of "close friends," I prided myself on knowing as many people as I could. Those people I knew were generally considered "friends" in my mind. I continue to be one who enjoys knowing many people from different social circles that I'm involved with in my life. I guess getting older has taught me an important difference between "friends," "acquaintances," and simply "people I know." I enjoy each subgroup for different reasons: sometimes it's nice and refreshing to be in a group of people who don't really know me all that well...because then I have the mystery of discovering people's stories and they have the option of pursuing the mystery of who I am. But at other times, it's nice to be among people who know me so well that I don't always have to talk. We can just enjoy each other's company because there are times when there's simply nothing to be said.
I explored new parts of downtown today with such a friend as that. It was fun to hear her stories from her year, and it was fun to catch her up to speed with my own stories. I enjoy reflection of past experiences, and this is another type of reflection I suppose. As I told her things, I tended to see old experiences in new ways. What's great about a friend like her is that I could then share those new revelations and she appreciated them as well!
I wish that all relationships could be as simple as that. No drama involved, no judgment, no pressure to conform to something I'm not. As a young girl, I used to dream of the day when we all "grew up" and all of that drama and judging and peer pressure disappeared, and what was left was healthy, mature, "adult" relationships. Well, I'm 24, and still waiting. Though 24 is a young age, somehow I don't see myself ever getting to that childhood dream-place. Friendships (all of them) take time, care, and love. I guess I'm realizing that some are more worth my time and energy than others, some are more rewarding than others, and some take energy that I'd rather not give but I'm not sure how to avoid. I'm also realizing that the friendships I most enjoy are those that have developed over many years, and that have room left to grow and change and strengthen. However, that's not to say that I will stop meeting new people and making new friends and dealing with new bouts of friendship drama. The old friends and I went through that phase already. The new friends have no chance of becoming those worthwhile friends in my life unless we reach that drama.
The old Girl Scout song that sings, "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, and the other gold," is a total cliche but, like most cliches, is completely true. Old friends are gold. Valuable. Long-lasting. Can weather (and indeed *have* weathered) the storm. New friends are silver. Not quite as valuable as gold, but still worth the work to find. In the end, we all own a little gold and a little silver. They complete different parts of our wardrobe. And we all have a few old friends, and perhaps more than a few new friends. They complete different parts of our life.
Here's to old friends and new friends (red friends and blue friends?) and their separate, but equally important, places in our lives.