Thursday, January 11, 2007

The fifth season has arrived.

The answer is decidedly no. It's not winter. Not in Boston. How do I know? Nothing on the "winter list" checks out.

Let's see...

Snow on the ground or in the air.

No. Nothing. Not even a thought in the clouds. Rain we get. But never snow.

Freezing temperatures that numb your face when you go outside.

Nope. No face numbing happening here. There are times when I don't even take my coat with me. Or I leave my scarf at home. My hat and mittens rarely make an appearance. What's the point of having all this terrific winter gear if I can never wear it???

See your breath when you're outside.

Only at night. But that doesn't count because you can see your breath at night on Fall and Spring days, too. So no. This one doesn't technically check out either.

Plant life dead and brown and essentially "hibernating" 'til springtime.

Definitely NOT! I see green grass when I walk by parks in the city. There were new buds on a tree on my street this morning when I walked past. I'm taking a camera there tomorrow and shooting a couple pictures if they're still on the tree tomorrow. Someone needs to tell that poor tree that spring isn't coming for another couple of months (or at least, it shouldn't be coming for another couple of months).

Icy sidewalks that take careful poise and balance not to fall on your ass when you walk on them.

'What's ice?' asks Boston's weather patterns. 'Nuff said.

The checklist does go on. I'm just hitting the highlights really. The stuff that I enjoy off of that winter checklist. I want to go outside all bundled up in my winter garb, watch my breath as I walk down icy sidewalks that always threaten to break my leg if I step wrong, and feel my cheeks get numb from the cold only to have that tingly thawing feeling when I go back indoors. I want freezing temperatures. I can't tell you how much I miss the negative degree weather of my youth in Minnesota. I remember fondly the days when it was 30-below with windchill. Or those few days of old when it was so cold out, it was too dangerous to go outside and the governor closed all schools in the state (we're talking 50- or 60-below with windchill). That's winter. That's what I want. I realize it doesn't get quite that cold in Boston due to the ocean effect. But at least give me some single digits here! And snow. There's no snow. I think it has snowed all of twice in Boston this year...once early on in the "so-called winter season" only to melt the next day...and the second time on 12/30 when I flew home from my holiday vacation to be with my family. But again. Didn't even stay. I don't think the ground has frozen...hence the green grass and the freakin' buds on the tree.

What's up with all of this? Worst excuse for a winter EVER!!! I keep threatening to move to Canada if I don't start getting snow soon. I always say it with a joking sort of tone. But perhaps it's becoming less of a full joke and more of a thought in the back of my head that could possibly come true someday. I want snow. The only real snow I've seen all winter was in Montreal when I went in early December. It snowed the entire weekend I was there. It was freezing cold outside. And I loved it beyond all description!!!

I'm boycotting the use of the term "winter" to describe the current state of Boston. It's more like fall/spring. But we're technically between the two, so perhaps I'll coin a new term for the season we're in. Because it's certainly not worthy of the title "winter." I think I will call this season Fring.

Fring. I like it. Silly, ridiculous, nonsensical. Best way to describe this less-than-adequate-attempt-at-winter season.

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